ranting...

my life right now feels like the front seat of a roller coaster at its peak, waiting to dive. literally everything in my life is on hold, and it mocks the i'll-put-things-in-my-hand, get-it-over-with sensibility i have.

i just had my biometrics with immigration today. gary and i have been in the process of first, petitioning, and now adjusting my status, for close to six months. besides a possible interview, all we can do now is wait until the dep't. of homeland security decides on my papers.

it's killing me. not that we expect a major problem or anything to happen, it's just the approval of my permanent residence case affects--if not dictates--what THE PLAN would be.

i cannot leave the states unless i have an advance authorization to travel from immigration, which of course, is part of the papers. can i go home to the philippines when gary gets deployed? will the papers make it on time? or do i live with his family again while he's gone? gary's giving me the choice on this one, but even this is out of my hands. i wait. and i hate waiting.

and man, he's leaving for a year. that's 365.242199 days. we don't even know what kind of communication he'll have in iraq. i hate not hearing from him even now that we live together. it's gonna be like gary and ina circa bootcamp 2006 again. waiting for his call for weeks only to miss it when he suddenly gets the chance to phone at three in the morning. and this, of course, is something i can do nothing about--but wait. and i hate waiting.

our lease is also up, and we're moving to a new apartment. it's really nice, and it was actually my choice out of all the places we gathered through research. moving out was another thing i was stressing about, but my fix-it guy surpised me and not only got the apartment i liked but also ironed out everything that all i have to do is get all our stuff and settle in.

i should be happy about this move. but now i have to notify just about everyone--the electric company, the post office, immigration, about this change of address. and i can't do the last two until we actually move out on the 24th to avoid mixing up my mail. so i wait again. and did i tell you i hate waiting?

so yes i'm stressed out about my life. patience is not a personal virtue. but then again, all this could just be pms.

O.M.G.!!!

i had, lately, only very few streaks of flair. today, however, is a day of brilliance; and oh my gosh, am i excited!

a corregidor wedding. yeah? yeah!

okay, so gary and i were talking last night about our plans. he's most likely to get deployed to iraq by november, and we were discussing about saving up, or buying a house, or investing in the philippines, or maybe all. for a year, we will be apart, and we will both be busy with nothing but working, and earning.

then the husband tells me, 'hey what about the wedding?' the plan really was to have another wedding officiated by a catholic priest in my parish in hermosa where i grew up. we also wanted to have it this december, which, looking at our circumstances, is almost impossible.

so gary aims for a post-deployment wedding. it'll be perfect timing: he'll be out of the service and we'll have plenty of time to save and do the preparations.

and then this morning. i was doing my usual online surfing, researching about wedding planners in manila, and wedding packages that we can afford. one of the websites outlined possible venues in metro manila, luzon, visayas and mindanao. then
it hit me: corregidor is the place! i suddenly remembered that the last time i toured my college friends from UP in corregidor, the management was renovating the island hotel. now, judging by the photos online, it is ready to go.

think about it: corregidor is bataan (well yeah, it is under the supervision of cavite, but won't you agree if i say that world war II, the last stand, mt. samat, corregidor, all ring truer with bataan rather than cavite?), and bataan is my home. plus gary has somewhat of a link to this historical place too, being a member of the united states armed forces. i think it will mean more to both of us to have it as the wedding venue. also, guests coming from manila will find it convenient to board the ferry that travels to corregidor, because the terminal is located near the senate.

i stumbled upon the blog of the now-famous tour guide carlos celdran, the 'man who is trying to change the way you look at manila one step at a time.' he had about three posts about a trip to corregidor a few years back, and even he thought a corregidor wedding would be 'very edgy.' he's nice enough to allow me to use his photos on his blog, and even told me to drop his name to the lady in the agency that runs tours in corregidor. below are photos from his blog, walk this way:


i did not know that there was a chapel beside the hotel. it's small, and it's quiet. perfect for a simple, classic ceremony.

here's the inside, which he describes as 'a cute little chapel with cool retro/modernist hardwood confession booths.'

another shot of the hotel facade

the restaurant. i don't know if this is really where the wedding reception happens--it looks a bit crowded to me--but there is always hope.

the cozy room...which may look a tad too eerie to some

so yes, a wedding at the historic corregidor. this would normally spell a filipiniana wedding but i promised myself to not go that path. maybe an old world meets modern kind of theme. hmmm...

i know it's a little too early to get all worked up, but hey, our civil wedding was done in haste and gary and i just want to make this one THE wedding. i hope we can pull this off, transporting people (including a priest--which reminds me, my buddy noel might be a bona fide priest by that time)to the island, making a wedding work from a location an hour and forty-five minutes away from civilization and stuff. i can hear my mom now, 'hay, wag ka na magpakapagod sa ganyan,' or something like that.

well we got time. let's see what happens... :P

just another night at the movies

went out to see angels and demons with mama and gary on a thursday night. it was a very sleepy week that we had the whole cinema to ourselves. no kidding!


then we had dinner (more like midnight snacks) at denny's.


can somebody tell me how to put two photos side by side? my blog layout sucks...

what's for dinner?

just a quick post. i stumbled upon a gold mine when i purchased a good slice of beef, a container of steak rub (which consists of ground peppers, paprika, garlic, salt and chili), and a bottle of steak sauce.

i have never tried using a convection oven my entire life, so i had to google my way into cooking steak for dinner. i failed to take an 'after' photo, but this was the steak during purgatory, a good 45 minutes before it turned into a heavenly creation :D



we brought mama to the factory outlets in new mexico last weekend. she. had. a. blast. bought stuff for my brothers, the new baby (yey!) and everyone else. talk about great finds. she bought herself a pair of nine west suede, wine-colored shoes and an ann taylor, blood-red leather wallet for insanely low prices. here we are doing what we do best:


gary played the good son-in-law part to a t, showing us around, carrying our bags, and taking our pictures.


that is until we showed no sign of stopping. here he is, hungry, sleepy and, well, a little impatient :D

barbie doll arrives :D

mama made it to el paso on mother's day weekend. soooo good to see her again.

my dad gave her the corny monicker barbie doll to make me and my brothers cringe. we still laugh about it whenever we remember. since papa passed, and all her kids started moving out, mama's been used to living on her own in bataan. it's nice to get the chance to spend some time with her, even under the scorching heat of the texas sun.

oh, did i mention gary and i are eating kaldereta, and galantina, and chopsuey these days? :D


here waiting for my brother and his kids to go online


at fort bliss


after mother's day lunch

new kid on the block

last may 1, the latest addition to the claravall family arrived. welcome...err...he still has no name, my nephew by my eldest brother bim! :D can't wait to see him in person and pinch his chubby chubby cheeks :D

showbiz!

everyday, i still get alerts from google about my former boss' internet exposure. i've been a subscriber to this service (which provides links to news, blogs, videos and any other internet content that carries the name of the senator) for almost three years now. even with my resignation from being a member of his staff, i remain loyal to my habit of browsing through stuff about him and the office online. this is how i learned of judy ann santos and ryan agoncillo's surprise wedding. the senator was one of the guests, while his wife stood as the maid of honor.

i usually don't give a hoot about philippine showbiz, but i just remembered a memory of ryan agoncillo and then my encounter with the newly-weds a few summers ago.

i was in college in UP, and me and my friends/dormmates were hanging out at tapika, a bar in katipunan where up-and-coming bands play (m.y.m.p. i believe started their career there, and i think they still play every once in a while). giselle, my then-roommate, suddenly started whispering frantically over our table to say ryan agoncillo entered the bar. ryan was a semi-celebrity then,known for appearing in the funny sprite tv ad, for hosting, and for being an atenista. he's a far cry from his present masa image of soap actor. when ryan entered that bar about six years ago, he was the sterling model of coňo. he was with a leggy, morena date and we had to stop giselle (who used to have a huge crush on him--mental note: contact giselle and rub this memory in) from boring a hole in ryan's direction with her stare. ryan and his date cuddled and whispered in their little corner of the world while we tried to ogle discreetly.

years later, in the thick of the 2007 senatorial campaign, i was assigned to the team that would produce one of my former boss' campaign ads. together with two other unitmates from the political communications group, we travelled south to a posh subdivision in cavite where we were to meet up with the creatives people, and showbiz couple ryan agoncillo and judy ann santos, who have been joining us in our campaign rallies and were there to shoot video endorsements.

i think i've said this before, and ask anyone who's had the same job as mine, being a member of the staff gives you every responsibility imaginable on earth. for this particular outing, it was to be on standby for any and every help the production team needs.

scenario #1. judy ann is inside the house, getting her make-up done while the crew sets up the lights and we wait for the director. i go to her to hand her her script. she gets the bond papers from me, reads the lines, and looks up to me to ask, "do i have to say kiko? can i just say kuya kiko? i'm more comfortable calling him that..."

scenario #2. this is the ultimate secret of my life. but in the spirit of the judy ann-ryan wedding, i'm outing myself. why not! :P the director shoots the video with judy ann. behind her is a man-made lake with a bridge. the director says, i need some movement from behind. he looks at me, to my horror, and to another officemate. the senator's niece volunteers. i give her a virtual hug for getting me out of the ordeal, only to hear the director say, "perfect. you three on the bridge!" i give him a pleading look, he promises us we'll be too distant and blurred to be recognized.

so, friends, behold my first appearance on film...as judy ann's extra. lol (oh, and giselle had a kick watching this. i really do need to remind her of ryan in tapika)



scenario #3. after a few takes, judy ann works her magic and we get dismissed. or so i think. the director readies ryan, for a separate video it turns out. we stay until past midnight, watching him read and reread his lines. cut after cut. he finally gets it right, and the director calls it a wrap.

no more war films for this sissy

not yet eligible for employment, i spend my days inside the house, trying my luck in the kitchen and waiting for gary to come home from work. it really is a major change of lifestyle for me, so gary makes it a point to take me out every chance he gets.

a diversion we've both acquired living in sleepy el paso is watching movies. we rent dvds every night (we watch at least 8 movies a week) and go to the theatre every weekend (sometimes even on weekdays). for saturday and sunday, i got the uma thurman comedy 'my super ex-girlfriend' while gary got the soldier movie 'home of the brave' from blockbuster. the husband must've been tampo (bet he wouldn't admit it though) when i snuck out of the room to avoid watching 50 cent, et. al play u.s. army soldiers in iraq. i told gary the previous weekend that i was staying away from war movies after i soaked myself in tears watching 'letters from iwo jima.'

on a lighter note, we also went to the cinema yesterday hoping to catch 'state of play' but were three hours early for the next screening so we decided to have fun watching 'aliens vs. monsters' in 3D. we had to add a little for the 3D glasses (which gary never took off until we were back in the car :) ).


anyway, back to 'letters from iwo jima'. i always had this movie in my mind for some reason, and while we were scouring the aisles of blockbuster one weekend, i stumbled upon it. i didn't know (or maybe forgot) what it was about or who was on it but i didn't hesitate to get a copy. when we got home, i remembered why. the movie stars ken watanabe, who played the chairman in memoirs of a geisha (i was fixated with the book and the movie a few years back) and katsumoto in the last samurai.


letters from iwo jima, directed by clint eastwood, portrays the battle of iwo jima, an island in japan, during world war II. it was presented from the perspective of the japanese soldiers whose letters were found burried inside the tunnels they used during war. it complements eastwood's other movie about the same subject 'flags of our fathers', which depicts the same battle from the american viewpoint. letters from iwo jima is almost entirely in japanese but was made by american production companies.

maybe it's just me--i have a knack for crying when i'm not supposed to, and not crying when i should. maybe the movie really was touching. maybe because my husband is in the army, waiting for orders to get deployed in the middle east. maybe it's all of the above. all i know is, not even half-way through the movie, i was crying my eyes out, blaming gary for 'making' me watch another war movie (see i promised myself i wouldn't see one ever again when i became a captive audience of 'pearl harbor' playing in a bus travelling home to bataan). he gently reminded me i was the hand that picked the film from the shelf. oh well.

now gary has a lot to say about war. world war II. the japanese invasion (i think he's more zealous about the japanese invasion of the philippines than the clash between japan and the states--he wouldn't stop talking about the bataan death march since he learned of it). a soldier's life. human nature. honor and courage.

but for me, what touched me was how it showed that regardless of which side one is on, everyone is so much more alike than different. soldiers are husbands, and sons, and brothers (there were no female fighters in the movie). a mother's caring words to her soldier son are the same whether they were spoken in japan or the united states. love is indeed so universal that it makes us so similar however we'd like to think otherwise.

i do not believe in war--or any method that employs aggression for that matter--in solving problems. this principle makes it harder to accept that gary's remaining one year in the army could be extended if he suddenly gets deployed. everyday, we live a normal life of husband and wife--we wake up, eat breakfast, i see him off to work, we share lunch, he reports back to his job, and comes home for dinner. beyond these mundane activities, we often forget that neither of us could tell where he'd be in a few months. he points this out to me every once in a while, especially when i turn up my s(sumpong) over petty things. i hate to even think that we could be apart again for months and months, and he could be risking his life in a warzone because of his profession. the saddest part is, i can't do anything about it.

so yes, starting now, no more war films for this sissy. for real.

the canon camera was finally delivered, and it's GREAT! looks even better than i expected, and the shots are clear any way you take them. how come i have it already? gary found out about my wicked idea, told me there was no way i was taking advantage of my mother, and got me my canon powershot via amazon. he cancelled the freebie from citibank, and ordered a sofabed (which is supposed to arrive any minute now as i type--yipee!!!) in exchange. all's well that ends well. haha

sundays in el paso

gary and i made the most of sunday.

we used to drive uphill to go to this catholic church about 15-30 minutes away from our place. it's the only catholic church gary was familiar with then. the structure is very nice though, homey with low-hanging chandeliers and a huge portrait of the virgin of guadalupe at the altar, so the distance was fairly okay with him and me. except we didn't understand a fraction of the ceremony. because we are situated at the border of texas and mexico, the mass is always in spanish.

until one day, i searched all the catholic churches in el paso online, and voila! the church of the blessed sacrament is just on the other side of our area, 3 minutes away says google map. since then, hearing mass became a lot easier for us. we usually wake up late on weekends, and the english mass schedule of 11am is just right for the lazy couple.



this particular sunday however, we realized that the mass coincided with 12 baptisms and a wedding sponsored by the parish, and the church was so jampacked we couldn't even go past the main entrance. we decided to go to the lady of guadalupe church again. the mass, of course, was half-way through by the time we got there.

once out of church, gary said he remembered a place where he could take me. we were both getting tired of going to the same places in el paso that we often decide to just stay home and watch dvd. this time though, we drove the I-10 to reach this factory outlet that kind of reminded me of serendra back home. stores for brands like puma, tommy hilfiger, liz claiborne, nike, levi's etc. lined up in a surprisingly well-ventilated area. ignoring the high heels i was still wearing, we went around the establishment to kill time. gary earlier asked me if i could walk in my stilettos and i answered "i used to run all day in them," smugly. five hours later i was cursing my black shoes.

i got me a baseball cap. now why a baseball cap? see it serves me two ways. one, during bad hair days (or late nights when you suddenly have to run to the store or grab midight snacks), i can just put it on along with a pair of hoop earrings and i don't have to worry about how i look. two, (although i've yet to prove this) it's gonna help gary save some of his patience waiting for me to get ready.



driving home, we suddenly spotted a sign that said sunland park mall was on the next exit. my hubby and i are on a search for recreation areas where we can bring my mom when she visits. so sort of like an advance work, we headed to the sunland park.

it. was. huge. even bigger than mall of asia, i think. it's like there were 5 or 6 malls put together plus a separate bookstore that is soooo similar with the fully booked branch in bonifacio high street, scattered restaurants, and other specialty stores for beauty, appliances, dogs, automobiles, among others. we didn't even know el paso had such an area(or, well, i read it's technically part of new mexico but you get my point).

we hit the mall first, then gary drove me to my mecca, the barnes and noble bookseller. bookstores smell the same. be it in manila, the states or paris. i just love the scent the union of brewed coffee and print makes. we stayed there until we were both famished.

we ate at the grand chinese buffet, which, for less than $30, was such a treat. i ate EVERYTHING. i got a plate full of just shrimps. i think there were three or four shrimp dishes on it. then another plate filled with cantaloupe, strawberries,green melon and banana bathing in cherry syrup. my baby got me dimsum like i asked, some sweet bread with white cheese inside, mini-siopaos, among others. gary also had chow mein. on my 'real' plate, i ate fried rice and corn and oh i just ate everything! :P

too full and about to throw up with the slightest provocation, we drove again for home--but suddenly decided to watch a movie at carmike theatre, which is about 3 minutes from our place. we were choosing between state of play and 17 again, but after all the activities of the day, we decided to go for something light. 17 again was pretty fun, especially the character of zac efron's best friend. we were sitting beside a couple in their late 70s or early 80s (no kidding!)and i was making gary promise me he'd still take me to the movies when we reach that stage.

we were really on our way home, when we realized we had to buy water from the nearby walgreens. then gary got a call from his brother, and we had to run an errand for him so we turned back and finished the favor. we then decided to rent some movies at blockbuster. by this time my legs were really killing me so i settled for the movie letters from iwo jima (which i'll write about next) and gary got the mystery-thriller fracture, starring anthony hopkins.

scheming technophile

I'm an Aquarian. I've always carried the traits of my birth sign: I find it natural to talk exhaustively to people, I'm a free-spirit, and I'm loyal. I also carry the dark Aquarius side of being uptight, unforgiving and unable to speak out emotions (I can write them though :P ). Another thing I've always known about myself, but never really attributed to my birth sign until very recently, was my love for laptops and ipods and computer softwares and cellular phones. Apparently, according to this lady astrologist who was on TV last Christmas suggesting which gift to give which sign, Aquarius people are technophiles.

So you can imagine how psyched I was to learn that Gary's debit account has accumulated so many rebate points he's never claimed, and that he's letting me use them to get whatever electronic device fits his reward points. I got myself a point and shoot camera, which has yet to get to me.

In comes another one of my Aquarius traits: unpredictability. For some reason, I fell in love with another digital camera along the way: A Canon A1000 IS in brown, my favorite color. And I can't get over it. So what do I do with this nagging techno-lust when I have another free camera that's on the way?

I scheme. My mom's coming here for a visit next month, and I sweet-talked her into buying me the Canon (more expensive, of course)and I'll give her the other camera. "It's like buying me a gift, only I'll give you another gift in return."

I'm shameless :D