it didn't work out

we got him his own space. we got him food. we got him a name. but after only two days, we had to let the puppy go. it just wouldn't work out. i'm too scared to come close to mclovin' (yeah, we named him after the guy from superbad--gary and i love that no-brainer movie :P) so he wouldn't be taken care of when gary's gone for work. plus he's too demanding. this being manifested most by his incessant noise that drove us crazy in such short a time. i think the hubby realized having a dog isn't as great as he thought it would be. so yeah, we're back to just the two of us and we kinda like it this way. for now.

something new

there's a new addition to our family.

and god i wish i could say it's a baby! baby like human baby, gary-ina spawn, mini me or mini gary. but it's just our new baby dog. anyone close to me knows i don't like man's so-called best friend. i'm not a hater, i really like them in pictures... :P it's just i'm terrified by dogs. big time. but the husband wants a doggie around the house, and i guess this is what you call marital compromise, so i'm still trying to get over my fear of dogs. yes, even a puppy. i still scream when he walks towards me and i hate how my heart races even when i know he's not going to bite or anything.

the husband actually got two terriers but we had to give away our new puppy's sister because we can't handle them together. we've yet to name him. gary's giving me the honor, but i kinda wanna wait to see what kind of personality he has so he can get a name that fits him. right now he's just a sad dog. doesn't bark,doesn't run, doesn't eat. i can tell gary's amused, as i type this, the new partners are out somewhere in the compound walking. i never expected i'd say yes to staying in a house with a dog but i'll live.


he's as suspicious of me as i am of him. lol

fickle, fickle

without even a week with me, my white corolla practice car is history. the husband sneaked out the car yesterday, sold it, and bought me a white honda accord today. can't be happier. the car is pretty sweet for somebody like me who doesn't know sh*t about driving :)

here's a familiar sight: gary cleaning my car. hehe

my new baby after a shower

sorry...had to take the customary owner shot. LOL

catching up

as you may have noticed, no real pictures lately, which is ironic since gary and i each have our own camera. the funny thing is that gary's usb connector for his sony cybershot is missing, while my cannon uses disposable batteries which we never seem to remember to buy. so. i tested our lg chocolate phones and sent these shots to my verizon album online. worked like a charm, but the photos aren't as clear as i'd hope. here, date night at red lobster.


the hubby bought me a practice car, a white corolla. it's still in good shape, and more importantly, it's automatic. his civic is 5-speed, and knowing how bad i did at driver's ed in the philippines, a brake, a clutch and a gas pedal could be too much for me. LOL i can only stare at it, i've yet to get my driver's permit. haha

we got life to do

in between date nights and house chores, gary and i are starting to realize that we're headed for some major changes in a few months.

first of all, gary's getting out of the army. he has until january next year because he's under stop loss, but it could be sooner since the rest of his brigade's coming back from iraq next week. he just needs to take their weapons in (he's the armorer) and clear by then. i see he's really weary of his job too, and as i said before, i'm wanting a normal civilian life for us.

the catch here is, he'll be under transition after he's out of service. he needs to get a new job. and well, it's really important that i get a job too before he finishes his contract, just to keep things running smooth.

right now, i'm torn between two job prospects, the first one in marketing is a sure thing, but is not something i look forward to doing because it's an entirely different field. it's financially helpful for sure, but half of me wants to wait and see what happens with the grant writer position that i tested for. i asked the human resource department about my application and i'm said to be scheduled for interview next week. crossing my fingers.

in a few hours i'm taking my test for a driving permit. i don't wanna take it yet, but the husband's hurrying to get me behind the wheel. he's also scouting for an automatic practice car (we have a 5-speed car right now). i always had a fantasy of driving a beat-up red pick up truck, and when i told gary that, he was pretty amused by the idea too. he's been looking for vintage trucks for days, but today the husband suddenly said he's worried about how i'll control such a big vehicle. so. i think i'll end up with a car after all. of course this whole driving thing is crucial if i'm working soon. i already took driving lessons while in the philippines, but ran out of time to get me an internatioanal driving license. now i have to go through the whole texas dmv process.

how to lose reality and alienate your husband (pasintabi kay Toby Young)

check what time it is in the philippines.

turn on your laptop.

search for live streaming sites.

hook up your headset.

be transported to another time and place (read: philippine time and, well, philippines).

watch news about noynoy waking up. noynoy eating breakfast. noynoy being dressed by liz uy. noynoy getting in the car. noynoy in malacañang. noynoy with gma. noynoy sitting onstage. noynoy watching charice. christian bautista. apo hiking society getting out of retirement for another gig. ogie alcasid. regine velasquez. the madrigal singers. noel cabangon. noynoy taking his oath. noynoy giving his speech. noynoy walking out of the venue.

realize you've been glued to the monitor for five hours non-stop.

look at your starving husband who not only missed dinner but has taken to talking to the walls thanks to your prolonged mental and emotional absence.

stage husband

so proud!

never in my life did i expect to get me a stage husband. but i like it. a lot :) i went to my first job test today, not an interview, just a test, and gary looked like a doting dad ready to drop his baby daughter off to 1st day of kindergarten.

i'm finally starting my job search, and this one was for a grant writer position downtown. as you may know, i battle with insomnia most nights, and the husband was adamant about making me sleep early last night so i could get enough rest for my test. i had to stop myself from laughing because he was serious about it.

in the morning he was a human stopwatch, telling me how much time i got left to eat and shower. i watched him watch me try out my wardrobe and when i was done with my make up, oh my gosh, the proud daddy took pictures. LOL maybe he missed seeing me in my office clothes. it has been a while.

i mean, the last time i went job hunting was five years ago, right after college, when i got my job in the senate. so naturally, i was a bit nervous. i could see gary was amused when i was quiet in the car. he kept on telling me 'you're gonna get this,' and when he saw that wasn't exactly the encouragement i was looking for, he tried 'there are many other jobs out there even if this one turns out to be not for you.'

we got to the company building 15 minutes early, and he sat there with me while i waited to be called. when i finished in about an hour, he was still there, smiling and asking me how everything went.

i have a stage mom, i have a stage husband, i'm made. LOL

new everything!

as a little girl i always loved june and december. june meant the start of the school year, and december meant christmas. no, i didn't look forward to going back to school. i did get very excited however about getting new stuff for school. and then there's new shoes and clothes and toys for christmas of course.

i think this is something i wasn't able to outgrow. matter of fact, i love shopping. no matter how big or small the purchase, getting something new has a way of uplifting my mood. on this note, in just two weeks, gary and i never had more new things in our lives. it was no joke starting over, but i'm loving the fresh start.

we got to el paso the same day; him from iraq (i didn't make it to his homecoming! sadddd...) and me from santa clara, the day after arriving from the philippines. it was a leap of faith for me to come to el paso because as everyone knows, we gave up everything before gary got deployed to iraq--the car, the apartment, the pans and pots, the tv, what have you--and he wanted me to wait until he gets us an apartment so then i didn't have to have a hard time. i just trusted my instinct and flew in anyway.

so yeah. for a week, we stayed at the hotel and took the cab while we searched for a new apartment and a new car. saying that was hard would be the understatement of the year. we literally spent an arm and a leg going around el paso, aimlessly searching for these essentials. under the el paso heat. we're on three digits this month because it's still summer, and the scorching weather is just unbelievable. i worry about skin cancer, i kid you not!

so after a week of losing sleep, money and more, we finally found a new home. it's pretty close to our previous place but i really like this one for so many reasons. there are more trees in our new compound than in any other spot in the city. it's close to everything, like our place before, only this time it's even closer to gary's work, which is very important.

the one-bedroom apartment is just the perfect size for me and my husband. this means it's cozier and easier to clean up, thank you very much :P the bedroom already has a headboard, which matches the rest of the woodwork in the kitchen and the living room. i'm still in the process of putting everything together, so no pictures yet, but i'm splashing red, orange, and brown--autumn colors--all over the place. like i said, we gave up everything last november, so we bought new plates, a new couch, a new tv set(this 42" plasma is my new best friend), a new dvd player, a new shower curtain, new everything!

the hubby is pretty happy with his new red honda, although he gives me his non-chalant face and says the car is "ok lang" lol our new phones on the other hand are just plain eye-candies. they are soooooo hard to use. touch screen technology needs some serious tweaking. i always end up dialing a number by accident, and even texting becomes such a chore.

but beyond these new things, it's really the new life i'm looking forward to. gary is getting out of the service in a few months, and we're both in search of new careers. uncertainty lies ahead, but as it is always the case with me and gary, we always pull through :)

airports, flights and jetlag

i'm finally back here in the states after seven months of stay in the philippines. i arrived here at gary's parents' home in santa clara late last night. his brother jeng and wife glenda picked me up with their little girl annber at the san francisco airport. it was a long trip with a stop over in hong kong.

the hong kong international airport is insane. i had to ride a train and walk a mile to get to my gate. good thing it's easy to spot the pinoys, and like a herd, we just went wherever the others went. i got through immigration pretty quick and the luggage retrieval went pretty fast too. except for the enormous weight of the two luggages i brought, i was okay.

i am jet lagging sooooooooo bad. this didn't happen to me the first time i came here but now it hit me hard. i didn't sleep at all on the plane and last night i was up the whole time. needless to say, i've been nursing a major headache the whole day. plus my entire body's aching too...try carrying around bags that weigh close to 21 kilos each and you'll know what i mean. there are no friendly kuyas who will lift your stuff for you for a price of a pack of yosi. but i managed.

my mom, ate beng and the kids and my two titas dropped me off at NAIA. my brother met up with us at mall of asia. i have to hand it to him, and if he's reading this then all the better, he left his work for a few hours just to send me off. i miss my baby nephew chok. i took care of him everyday and he is just the most adorable baby everrrrrr. last night while i was in bed, the neighbor's baby cried and my instinct was to call out chok. except it's not chok. :(

on a lighter note, the husband's almost here too. we've been racing our way here. we left the same day, him out of iraq and me out of the philippines. gary called my mom to say he was in kuwait while i was waiting for boarding at NAIA. we haven't heard from each other since then, i assume he's been moving around, but i got a call from the fort bliss people this afternoon asking if i'm going to his homecoming, which is at 1:45pm tomorrow.

gary and i already talked about this extensively. i was insisting on going to el paso ahead so then i can just take a cab, stay in a hotel and meet him when his army plane lands at biggs airfield. the husband was insisting that i wait until he lands before i fly to el paso so then he doesn't have to worry about where i'm staying, how i'm carrying around my luggages and how i'm getting a taxi.

the hardheaded side of me was trying to make a way to get to el paso tonight but as luck would have it, the flight tonight gets there too late and costs too much, twice more than what i paid for flying tomorrow actually. so yeah, gary will have no welcoming party tomorrow, instead he's picking me up at the el paso airport at 4pm. this is pretty much what we agreed on the last time we talked, except that gary has no idea right now about my flight. i really hope he gets a chance to call as soon as he lands so then there's no mix up. i don't wanna stay at the airport, not sure if he knows i'm there or not. i have no cellphone yet because we gave up everything when gary got deployed and i left for the philippines in november so the only chance he'll be there is if he calls home and gets to talk to nanay or debra.

it still disappoints me that i can't be there at gary's homecoming. i always pictured waiting there as he lands, taking pictures, running towards each other. in slowmo. like in the movies. ewwww. LOL no i just wanted to witness how he lands and comes home. oh well. at least we get to see each other right away. i hope :P

magat-claravall nuptials

the official photos are in! :D

my mom and i went to nice print photography's office in shaw yesterday and finally got the raw photos from the wedding. they gave us three CDs, i left another CD containing songs for the video, and then they told me to choose 150 pictures for the albums and one for the blowup picture, all to be sent via LBC. as mentioned before, it'll take months before we get to watch our wedding on DVD and see hard copies of our pictures.

aaaaaaaanyway, here are some of my favorite shots. nice print gave me like over four thousand digital pictures and i literally spent the whole day sorting everything. i just got all the really nice ones then practically killed myself trying to limit everything to 150. i'm almost done, but now i gotta get me some cheap CDs so i can give everyone (and i mean everyone; i don't know anyone who hasn't asked for a copy)a CD.

gary's yet to see the photos because he has a convoy today to doria. he's now stationed in his mother base, fob warrior, by the way. he gets his own room, his own internet connection, and there's burger king over there i think, so it's a relief he gets some of the comforts he's missed for months now.


rings and bouquet


awww :P

already nervous as hell here

the bridal march

saying "i do"

the st. peter of verona parish church

isa pang awwww :D

bottoms up! :)

me and my hubby

the hangover

the countdown on my blog says it's been twenty days since the wedding, but gary and i spent another night chatting while looking at our wedding pictures. we just can't get over it! :P this week, the plan is to go to manila to pick up our raw photos, choose 150 shots for the albums, and leave our choice of songs for the wedding video. the albums and the edited video won't get to us until after three months (and i'll probably be back in the states by then) but what choice do we have, really.

i miss my husband. from the day he got to the philippines up to the day he left, we were always too busy. the only time we had that quiet moment for ourselves was when we passed by the subic boardwalk after going to our couturier. we didn't have a camera with us so we went back with my niece chay and nephew gelo, and gary's sister debra a few days after.

we also didn't have time for a honeymoon. gary left for iraq last march 26. so to make up for that, (and because a trip has always been planned after gary leaves the army this november) guess what we're planning!!! yay yay yay! we're going backpacking in europe! :D :D :D gary and i always wanted to travel, and we want to do everything together before we start a family and be busy with our jobs. gary deserves a break for working so hard in a warzone, and he's really excited about this trip. it's something to look forward to for us both, keep our minds off the frustration of being apart for months.

the next thing to think of is getting schengen visas. i already got one before when i went to germany and france but it expired already. gary being a US citizen doesn't need one, i read somewhere. or i don't really know. either way, i'm gonna have to go get one for myself because i still hold a philippine passport. but yeah. right now i'm looking through backpacking sites, where to go, what to do, where to stay (the cheaper the better syempre). i know i've been to paris already but i want gary to see it too, and i want to be there with him. sigh. okay, okay, too much daydreaming na. for now, i'm just gonna cross my fingers. hehe

just got (re)married! :D

after months of planning and waiting, our wedding finally arrived. it was a dream come true for me and gary. i have to say, if there's one experience every girl--or guy, for that matter--must have in their lifetime, it is to get married at church. not just for the glitz, but more importantly, for the blessing and that special bond. while it has always been undeniable that gary and i have been crazy for each other (too crazy at times), we look at each other now with even more love than ever before. our church wedding is something that no one can ever take away from us, and can i just say i was so so kilig all throughout! LOL :P

of course, as in any wedding, ang daming palpak. hehe the rings were accidentally left at the hotel (they made it on time, fortunately), the audio for the AVPs didn't play (don't ask why), some gifts were lost (again don't ask), some egos were bruised, but hey, try to imagine two clans, an entire office, and friends made in a span of a lifetime, all together in one place at the same time and tell me how we could possibly please everybody. in the end, it was really just me and gary that mattered.

who gets the best actress award? i was too giddy to keep track of the drama. but i must say it made me 10x more nervous when i saw gary so handsome, waiting for me at the altar, ready to cry in his military suit. the husband kept on whispering "you're so beautiful" to my ear throughout the ceremony, i almost melted. plus the heat. gosh, the heat inside the church made everyone melt. LOL

we decided to write our own vows, and gary made a really, really, romantic one. i pretty much messed up the first part of mine but the husband reassured me he got everything i wanted to say.

i now take the opportunity to thank all the people who made our wedding possible.

the magat/cativo and claravall/tungol families, for their presence and support. gary & i both wish we could've done more for all of you but we were both so busy with the preparations and the rush of the event. we are very grateful for your understanding and love.

fr.mario margallo, for making us feel the loveliness of our wedding so easily, and for the instant friendship he created with me and gary. many times during the ceremony, i saw him smiling whenever i was kilig, and i also saw him nodding at gary from time to time, as if to say he was just as happy for us.

my childhood friend rev./kuya noel nuguid for doing the sermon, assisting fr.mayong and leading the prayer at the reception. many years ago he promised he'll be the one to officiate my marriage, and as God so amazingly planned, he was ordained two days before my wedding.

the church secretary mel nuguid, and the children of mary immaculate for assisting me patiently.

our ninongs and ninangs who really went out of their way to attend our ceremony. it means so much to us.

our entourage, for the friendship, which, we have proven, can push you guys to wear suits on a hot summer day, and revealing tube dresses :P

team kiko for being a real family. mahal na mahal ko kayo.

georg and jayson for adding class to the programme.

my friends from kalayaan residence hall in UP. thank you for pausing your climb up the corporate ladder to see me walk down the aisle. i miss you all!

to wonderful events wedding coordination, for all the help.

to nice print photography for capturing our special day. i must say neither gary nor myself liked the posing part very much, but we're very excited to see the photos and videos nonetheless.

ms.virgie reyes and JS bridals for the gowns and suits. alvina for my make-up. mayo arellano for my entourage's make-up. my youngest flower girl annber asked me, "ina, are you a princess?" and thanks to the beautiful wedding gown and makeup on my wedding day, i really thought i was. :)

global ventures for my classy invites.

lilwhiskers for our cookies and cream giveaways.

crown royale's mark and lizel for all the assistance, attention, freebies, what-have-you.

kuya michael and ate jonalyn for the beautiful flower arrangements. i was expecting a plain aisle because the church didn't want flowers at church during the lent season, so i was pleasantly shocked to see the beauty of the st.peter parish church decked with flowers. galing ninyo, wala akong masabi!: D

st.peter parish choir and sandy and her band for the beautiful music in the church and at the reception. i always said maganda lang music sa kasal ko masaya na ako. thank you!

to those i failed to mention, we're sorry, and please remember that we're just as grateful for all your help.

as i mentioned, the official photos are not with us yet, but i stole some pictures online from friends. yes, i know, the fact that it was my wedding doesn't mean i own these pictures, pero pagbigyan nyo na ako. excited eh. hehe so thanks to yvette, tina, giselle, arlo, debra and all other unwitting people whose shots i stole. :P

if you wanna see a bigger slideshow, follow this link:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/42425843@N07/sets/72157623739456716/show/

soooooo excited!

yesterday, gary left patrol base doria to go to his mother base, fob warrior in kirkuk. he'll be there until the 7th, where he'll be having some briefing sessions before finally flying home. we weren't expecting him to leave this early, since he was initially told his schedule at warrior was thursday. but who are we to complain about him getting here earlier than expected right?:P

i just realized i haven't blogged about the actual wedding venue. i got the blue horizon ballrooom at the crown royale hotel like i wanted...by moving our wedding on a monday! the church agreed to marry us on a weekday, in the afternoon, so it's all good. like hitting two birds with one stone: i got my preferred wedding venue and i get to have a dinner reception instead of lunch :)

i'm still awaiting the arrival of our invites but here's the final layout. you don't actually get to see the actual design of it, but this is basically the look and feel of the invites. :)



this saturday i'll have my gown fitting (yes, i'm fitting my gown, it's the year 2010 guys!) and i'll try to finalize all the entourage wardrobe. all the details must be ready when gary gets here. they have to be. as my mom knowingly predicts, "may sarili na kayong mundo ni gary nyan pagdating nya dito." LOL that's what the wedding planner's for mommmmmmmm! :P

a vow is a vow is a vow

by now, anyone who's been reading this blog is definitely tired of hearing me talk about gary and the wedding. well lucky you, i'm not done yet!

we're already halfway through the wedding preparations. all the suppliers have been booked, and most have been paid half their fees too. all the trinkets have been purchased, and this week, i'm having my trial make up done.

with all these details going through my head, i almost put on the back burner a very important thing: my wedding vows. good thing, it turns out, gary has been thinking about his the whole time. and since i need to have both our vows approved by the parish priest prior to the ceremony, i get to know what he has to say too. haha well he's not done with his vows yet but from what he shared to me, i am officially warning each and every person attending my wedding that it's gonna be a cry fest. :)

so. my wedding vows. i'm really excited about writing it. but see i have this attitude when it comes to important things i have to write. i tend to get intimidated by them. the more important something is, the harder it is for me to start writing. because i want it to be perfect. because i want it to be something worth remembering. because i want to be able to say everything i want to say. because i only get one shot at this. ok, now i'm even more overwhelmed!

the first thing i'll do with gary when he gets here...

besides that, is to watch dear john, a romantic drama based on the nicholas sparks novel about a soldier who falls in love with a college girl while he's on leave. the movie features channing tatum and amanda seyfried. it started showing last week here in the philippines...hope we can still catch it when gary comes home. happy valentine's day! :D

i start writing a blog entry title first, usually knowing what i wanna say and the stories i wanna tell. but as i type this, soooo many things are going through my mind i can't even come up with a title. i'll just put down anything and everything.
----------------------------------------------------------------
i hate it when brides say they're busy and stressed out. i really do. it gives me the perception of self-importance, complaining about seemingly frivolous matters that they should be keeping to themselves. but now that i'm in their place, i can't stop myself from declaring how busy and utterly stressed out i am. can't sleep, can't eat (okay, that's a lie. LOL) can't sleep, can't sleep. the funny thing is, the hubby's going through the same thing. :D

me: why do you sound so tired?
him: i didn't sleep enough.
me: how can you not sleep enough, we ended talking at 2am, you only woke up now, it's lunchtime.
him: well it's like i didn't sleep at all. i'm in bed, my eyes are shut, but my mind's awake, thinking about the wedding and going home.

cute no? :D
--------------------------------------------------------------
my little chokchok is sick. he has mild fever and a really bad cough. since i came home, i've been so attached to my 8 month-old nephew. he's super fat...10.8 kilos at 8 months, and really funny-smart. he copies what he sees, and he makes these weird sounds. :D it breaks my heart to see him sad and quiet and sick :(



--------------------------------------------------------------
important times like these when i miss my dad. the wedding coordinator asked me what song i want for the father-daughter dance...i simply had to say there won't be one.

i must admit i should remember my dad more than i do. i'm a daddy's girl and after his sudden death, i always thought it's impossible to live without him. the heart really does have a way of moving on. i think i'll go visit his grave this weekend.

-------------------------------------------------------------
the entourage and the guestlist are getting out of hand...and i'm entirely to blame for it. gary's side's presence in this wedding is like not even 5% but the husband is just charming about it. he gives me a freehand on this and that makes everything a bit easier.

-------------------------------------------------------------
i have a good team for the wedding. i know i did all the work at the start but i can see that the remaining weeks will be easier for me thanks to my coordinator, and the people at crown royale are just so cooperative and accomodating i'm really feeling good about my choice.

-------------------------------------------------------------
this wedding will be so surreal. it'll be like a montage of my life. gradeschool friends. high school friends. college buddies. team kiko. friends from various points of my existence. gary's relatives. my relatives. all in one place at the same time. how weird is that???

how (not) to send a care package to iraq

christmas is coming up, and i feel really bad that gary has to spend the holidays in a war zone. we first got together during christmas three years ago, and this is our first christmas apart. so i thought, it's time for a care package!

i've sent him a few care packages in the past when he was in kentucky and korea (hey, now he's in kirkuk...there's a pattern here...) and there is no way i'm letting christmas pass without him getting something from me so i just jumped right in. i knew preparing the box could be pretty tricky, but i didn't know it was a hazard to one's mental well-being.

1. get the videos.
    before deployment, he asked me to make a video of me singing a song for him, something he can put on his mp3 player for viewing while he's away. i wasn't able to do it because, well, i didn't really want to. he's the only person who insists i have a talent for it. recording myself is like leaving an indelible track that may haunt me forever and i don't want that. he was making tampo about it when he left, so despite myself, and in the spirit of the holidays,i reunited with my jurassic acoustic guitar and recorded a song for him, and another one with a christmas message. i got my brother's baby, and i recorded a video of him too, which was even harder to do. dealing with babies and videos needs perfect timing i tell you. at the end of all the recordings, i suddenly realized the format was .avi, so i had to go online and check what types of video formats are compatible with his player. i then had to download a video converter, and if your computer has had no taste of a virus scan for the past two, three years, this can be totally infuriating. i was able to make them into .wmv after some agonizing hours, but having no special technical knowledge of sound/video editing, the timing of the audio to the video didn't match. oh well.

2. ready the dvds.
    gary's even more bored than i am. and he begged me to send him dvds to kill time. he bought a portable dvd player because our laptop's up for repair.

3. develop photos.
    i just figured gary and i didn't have hard copies of our pictures. who keeps 8x10s these days anyway? so i went through all our digital photos and had them printed for him. some were taken when we were still going out, one was during christmas, and then i added some photos of jepoy, our nephew/inaanak. i also put a framed picture of us...where i looked the nicest, of course :P

4. hoard pinoy foods.
    i stuffed my grocery cart with chocnut, and cornick, and peanuts, and eggnog, and what have you, only to realize that they're pretty strict about the halal standard in iraq. the la paz batchoy cup noodles had to go.

5. don't forget the toiletries!
    gary has this oc behavior when it comes to cleanliness. so it will forever escape me how he deals with his current portalet situation. i sent him this axe chocolate  deodorant, some baby wipes, baby powder, lotion, insect repellant, nail cutters, a loofah, and some muscle pain reliever.

6. pack them with L-O-V-E
   i carefully put together similar products to make it easier to ship. to protect the letter, dvds and cds i made for him from snoopy eyes, i carefully emptied a sustagen box from the bottom and slipped all of my stuff inside, along with a slim packet of nestea iced tea (to make that powder sound when shaken), and sealed the bottom side of the box with mighty bond. voila! you wouldn't know the difference.

7. do your research.
    having worked as a writer, i should have known step number 7 must ALWAYS be step number 1. this pretty much messed everything up. i went to fedex with my angel of a friend, tina, who drove for me all the way to subic. when we got there, the first fedex store was closed, we had to go downtown and try shipping from the other branch. the lady said they didn't send to APO addresses. the last time they did, the package got delayed for weeks.
    but i was unyielding. i said i was able to send to an APO address via fedex before (which is true you know) and that i didn't care whether it's gonna take weeks as long as it's gonna reach my baby before christmas. she must've sensed desperation (besides the fact that i really wanted the package sent, the hard work of putting together everything was just too much to forget) and said yes.
   so tina and i stuffed everything into the fedex box, which was, for the price i was paying, extremely small. mary poppins would've been so proud! we were able to put everything in...except for the v-cuts (which gary loves) because they took too much space. we sealed the box, paid the shipping price that's twice more expensive than what was inside, and crossed our fingers.
    when i got home, i checked fedex.com and saw all the regulations that i should've known in the first place. no powders. i sent baby powder, and the sustagen powder drink that contains all that's essential in the care package will also be, technically, not allowed. no liquids. the insect repellant, the mouthwash, the lotion are all of course in liquid form.
     they also really don't deliver to apos in iraq. the best that they can do is bring it to fob warrior and if the mail people there are nice enough, maybe they'll bring it to patrol base doria. if not, gary will have to make a way for him to pick up the package, which has, by the way, reached parañaque, china, and dubai.
     today i click on track your package at the fedex website and the 4 kilos that i sent is now only 2.7 kilos. did they get rid of everything? what about my videos? oh it's gonna suck so bad if the really important stuff in there don't reach him.oh, and did i tell you that right after i sent the package, i learned that i can pre-order a care package online from the states to be sent to him via US postal service and it will reach him in a few days for half the price? oh well. as long as my fedex box will reach him, it's worth all the pain. the website says it'll be in fob warrior december 20 at 8pm. let's see how it goes.

guess who's back?

so i'm writing this entry at the ungodly hour of 3 am. third day back in the Philippines and I'm still nursing a jetlag. i would like to blame it all on this, but really, it's not just jetlag that's making me feel lost despite being home.

being away from gary makes me realize i neither belong here in bataan nor in santa clara with his family. i belong to him, wherever he is; which, i think it is now safe to say, is in iraq--he already left the states for his deployment yesterday. okay, so i'm speaking figuratively, but i literally feel like a piece of me is missing.

i really have to hand it to him. he does EVERYTHING to keep in touch with me. the boy was on the phone with me every step of the way, i felt like i was on a C130 heading to the middle east. even during refueling in minnesota, he managed to get hold of me to remind me he's always coming back for me no matter what.

i remember what he told me before we left santa clara. he said when he went back to el paso and i was left at his parents', he'd wake up in the morning and his instinct was to reach for me. "i feel like i'm about to lose my mind when i'm not with you." this is pretty much what i'm feeling right now. i enjoy being home, but i can't feel completely at peace with gary away. i'm still waiting to hear from him, which i hope is sooner than later. we have no idea how it's gonna be for us while he's stationed there but i'm confident he'll do everything in his power to touch base.

how was my trip back? unbearable, like i expected it to be. i cannot stress enough how much i dislike airports, and i always have airport stories to tell. for this outing, it was simply an episode from twilight zone. to begin with, all my luggages were overweight. i had a balikbayan box packed by gary, which exceeded the limit by 10 pounds. his brother's balikbayan box (which i was to bring to their other brother here) was a good 6 pounds overweight too. my carry-on luggage was 30lbs, when only 15 lbs was allowed. to top it all, i was hauling a 14.1" toshiba laptop that probably weighed more than i do on my backpack. in the middle of opening balikbayan boxes and weighing my stuff again, i just wanted to leave everything behind. the stress was just too much for a few freaking cans of spam and corned beef!

to make matters worse, the lady at cathay pacific was a total pain in the ass. she was at my throat, telling me she's about to close the counter and i might have to miss my flight. i wanted to give my 'is this the kind of customer service (fill in the company name) has?' speech, but this whole balikbayan business was too tiring i just decided to shut up. i was, of course, last to board.

the only nice thing about this trip was how surprisingly tasty food on cathay pacific was. definitely better than PAL or KLM. while i always thought plane food was bland, the meals for my flights were all really good.

i did not sleep a wink on neither my flight from san francisco to hong kong nor my flight from hong kong to manila. while waiting for my connecting flight at the hong kong international airport, i sat for three hours with filipinos going home from all points of the earth. it was so weird, almost like a ritual, to hear all these people ready to share their biography with complete kababayan strangers. 'i'm coming from vacouver...been there for X years, working as...' or 'i haven't seen the philippines for X years because my kids and i don't get along..' or 'filipino workers are trusted better here in hong kong...so i told my mother not to worry about me' they must've thought i was a total smuck for not wanting to share my lifestory. and as if this display of national bonding weren't enough, at one of the corners of gate 30 gathered some 14 (i counted!) filipino guys watching the replay of the manny pacquiao fight on youtube passionately. it was quite a sight...and i'm filipino!

past the really long trip, the immigration, the luggage retrieval, and all the other inconveniences, i'm happy to be home. i got to see my new nephew jepoy who is just soooo adorable. i got to eat siomai and tinapa. later my brother's coming home from manila and we'll probably be on the magic sing microphone the whole day. if only gary were here then everything would be perfect.

no more war films for this sissy

not yet eligible for employment, i spend my days inside the house, trying my luck in the kitchen and waiting for gary to come home from work. it really is a major change of lifestyle for me, so gary makes it a point to take me out every chance he gets.

a diversion we've both acquired living in sleepy el paso is watching movies. we rent dvds every night (we watch at least 8 movies a week) and go to the theatre every weekend (sometimes even on weekdays). for saturday and sunday, i got the uma thurman comedy 'my super ex-girlfriend' while gary got the soldier movie 'home of the brave' from blockbuster. the husband must've been tampo (bet he wouldn't admit it though) when i snuck out of the room to avoid watching 50 cent, et. al play u.s. army soldiers in iraq. i told gary the previous weekend that i was staying away from war movies after i soaked myself in tears watching 'letters from iwo jima.'

on a lighter note, we also went to the cinema yesterday hoping to catch 'state of play' but were three hours early for the next screening so we decided to have fun watching 'aliens vs. monsters' in 3D. we had to add a little for the 3D glasses (which gary never took off until we were back in the car :) ).


anyway, back to 'letters from iwo jima'. i always had this movie in my mind for some reason, and while we were scouring the aisles of blockbuster one weekend, i stumbled upon it. i didn't know (or maybe forgot) what it was about or who was on it but i didn't hesitate to get a copy. when we got home, i remembered why. the movie stars ken watanabe, who played the chairman in memoirs of a geisha (i was fixated with the book and the movie a few years back) and katsumoto in the last samurai.


letters from iwo jima, directed by clint eastwood, portrays the battle of iwo jima, an island in japan, during world war II. it was presented from the perspective of the japanese soldiers whose letters were found burried inside the tunnels they used during war. it complements eastwood's other movie about the same subject 'flags of our fathers', which depicts the same battle from the american viewpoint. letters from iwo jima is almost entirely in japanese but was made by american production companies.

maybe it's just me--i have a knack for crying when i'm not supposed to, and not crying when i should. maybe the movie really was touching. maybe because my husband is in the army, waiting for orders to get deployed in the middle east. maybe it's all of the above. all i know is, not even half-way through the movie, i was crying my eyes out, blaming gary for 'making' me watch another war movie (see i promised myself i wouldn't see one ever again when i became a captive audience of 'pearl harbor' playing in a bus travelling home to bataan). he gently reminded me i was the hand that picked the film from the shelf. oh well.

now gary has a lot to say about war. world war II. the japanese invasion (i think he's more zealous about the japanese invasion of the philippines than the clash between japan and the states--he wouldn't stop talking about the bataan death march since he learned of it). a soldier's life. human nature. honor and courage.

but for me, what touched me was how it showed that regardless of which side one is on, everyone is so much more alike than different. soldiers are husbands, and sons, and brothers (there were no female fighters in the movie). a mother's caring words to her soldier son are the same whether they were spoken in japan or the united states. love is indeed so universal that it makes us so similar however we'd like to think otherwise.

i do not believe in war--or any method that employs aggression for that matter--in solving problems. this principle makes it harder to accept that gary's remaining one year in the army could be extended if he suddenly gets deployed. everyday, we live a normal life of husband and wife--we wake up, eat breakfast, i see him off to work, we share lunch, he reports back to his job, and comes home for dinner. beyond these mundane activities, we often forget that neither of us could tell where he'd be in a few months. he points this out to me every once in a while, especially when i turn up my s(sumpong) over petty things. i hate to even think that we could be apart again for months and months, and he could be risking his life in a warzone because of his profession. the saddest part is, i can't do anything about it.

so yes, starting now, no more war films for this sissy. for real.

the canon camera was finally delivered, and it's GREAT! looks even better than i expected, and the shots are clear any way you take them. how come i have it already? gary found out about my wicked idea, told me there was no way i was taking advantage of my mother, and got me my canon powershot via amazon. he cancelled the freebie from citibank, and ordered a sofabed (which is supposed to arrive any minute now as i type--yipee!!!) in exchange. all's well that ends well. haha