my bridal march

i captured my favorite part of our wedding video so i can upload it here. windows moviemaker is acting up on me, so this clip is longer than it should be. i hope the husband doesn't check on this blog anytime soon...i want us to see the whole thing together when i get back to the states this wednesday. too bad the resolution suffered from all the trimming and converting. but here it is, you guys enjoy ;)

fickle, fickle

without even a week with me, my white corolla practice car is history. the husband sneaked out the car yesterday, sold it, and bought me a white honda accord today. can't be happier. the car is pretty sweet for somebody like me who doesn't know sh*t about driving :)

here's a familiar sight: gary cleaning my car. hehe

my new baby after a shower

sorry...had to take the customary owner shot. LOL

we got life to do

in between date nights and house chores, gary and i are starting to realize that we're headed for some major changes in a few months.

first of all, gary's getting out of the army. he has until january next year because he's under stop loss, but it could be sooner since the rest of his brigade's coming back from iraq next week. he just needs to take their weapons in (he's the armorer) and clear by then. i see he's really weary of his job too, and as i said before, i'm wanting a normal civilian life for us.

the catch here is, he'll be under transition after he's out of service. he needs to get a new job. and well, it's really important that i get a job too before he finishes his contract, just to keep things running smooth.

right now, i'm torn between two job prospects, the first one in marketing is a sure thing, but is not something i look forward to doing because it's an entirely different field. it's financially helpful for sure, but half of me wants to wait and see what happens with the grant writer position that i tested for. i asked the human resource department about my application and i'm said to be scheduled for interview next week. crossing my fingers.

in a few hours i'm taking my test for a driving permit. i don't wanna take it yet, but the husband's hurrying to get me behind the wheel. he's also scouting for an automatic practice car (we have a 5-speed car right now). i always had a fantasy of driving a beat-up red pick up truck, and when i told gary that, he was pretty amused by the idea too. he's been looking for vintage trucks for days, but today the husband suddenly said he's worried about how i'll control such a big vehicle. so. i think i'll end up with a car after all. of course this whole driving thing is crucial if i'm working soon. i already took driving lessons while in the philippines, but ran out of time to get me an internatioanal driving license. now i have to go through the whole texas dmv process.

how to lose reality and alienate your husband (pasintabi kay Toby Young)

check what time it is in the philippines.

turn on your laptop.

search for live streaming sites.

hook up your headset.

be transported to another time and place (read: philippine time and, well, philippines).

watch news about noynoy waking up. noynoy eating breakfast. noynoy being dressed by liz uy. noynoy getting in the car. noynoy in malacañang. noynoy with gma. noynoy sitting onstage. noynoy watching charice. christian bautista. apo hiking society getting out of retirement for another gig. ogie alcasid. regine velasquez. the madrigal singers. noel cabangon. noynoy taking his oath. noynoy giving his speech. noynoy walking out of the venue.

realize you've been glued to the monitor for five hours non-stop.

look at your starving husband who not only missed dinner but has taken to talking to the walls thanks to your prolonged mental and emotional absence.

stage husband

so proud!

never in my life did i expect to get me a stage husband. but i like it. a lot :) i went to my first job test today, not an interview, just a test, and gary looked like a doting dad ready to drop his baby daughter off to 1st day of kindergarten.

i'm finally starting my job search, and this one was for a grant writer position downtown. as you may know, i battle with insomnia most nights, and the husband was adamant about making me sleep early last night so i could get enough rest for my test. i had to stop myself from laughing because he was serious about it.

in the morning he was a human stopwatch, telling me how much time i got left to eat and shower. i watched him watch me try out my wardrobe and when i was done with my make up, oh my gosh, the proud daddy took pictures. LOL maybe he missed seeing me in my office clothes. it has been a while.

i mean, the last time i went job hunting was five years ago, right after college, when i got my job in the senate. so naturally, i was a bit nervous. i could see gary was amused when i was quiet in the car. he kept on telling me 'you're gonna get this,' and when he saw that wasn't exactly the encouragement i was looking for, he tried 'there are many other jobs out there even if this one turns out to be not for you.'

we got to the company building 15 minutes early, and he sat there with me while i waited to be called. when i finished in about an hour, he was still there, smiling and asking me how everything went.

i have a stage mom, i have a stage husband, i'm made. LOL

new everything!

as a little girl i always loved june and december. june meant the start of the school year, and december meant christmas. no, i didn't look forward to going back to school. i did get very excited however about getting new stuff for school. and then there's new shoes and clothes and toys for christmas of course.

i think this is something i wasn't able to outgrow. matter of fact, i love shopping. no matter how big or small the purchase, getting something new has a way of uplifting my mood. on this note, in just two weeks, gary and i never had more new things in our lives. it was no joke starting over, but i'm loving the fresh start.

we got to el paso the same day; him from iraq (i didn't make it to his homecoming! sadddd...) and me from santa clara, the day after arriving from the philippines. it was a leap of faith for me to come to el paso because as everyone knows, we gave up everything before gary got deployed to iraq--the car, the apartment, the pans and pots, the tv, what have you--and he wanted me to wait until he gets us an apartment so then i didn't have to have a hard time. i just trusted my instinct and flew in anyway.

so yeah. for a week, we stayed at the hotel and took the cab while we searched for a new apartment and a new car. saying that was hard would be the understatement of the year. we literally spent an arm and a leg going around el paso, aimlessly searching for these essentials. under the el paso heat. we're on three digits this month because it's still summer, and the scorching weather is just unbelievable. i worry about skin cancer, i kid you not!

so after a week of losing sleep, money and more, we finally found a new home. it's pretty close to our previous place but i really like this one for so many reasons. there are more trees in our new compound than in any other spot in the city. it's close to everything, like our place before, only this time it's even closer to gary's work, which is very important.

the one-bedroom apartment is just the perfect size for me and my husband. this means it's cozier and easier to clean up, thank you very much :P the bedroom already has a headboard, which matches the rest of the woodwork in the kitchen and the living room. i'm still in the process of putting everything together, so no pictures yet, but i'm splashing red, orange, and brown--autumn colors--all over the place. like i said, we gave up everything last november, so we bought new plates, a new couch, a new tv set(this 42" plasma is my new best friend), a new dvd player, a new shower curtain, new everything!

the hubby is pretty happy with his new red honda, although he gives me his non-chalant face and says the car is "ok lang" lol our new phones on the other hand are just plain eye-candies. they are soooooo hard to use. touch screen technology needs some serious tweaking. i always end up dialing a number by accident, and even texting becomes such a chore.

but beyond these new things, it's really the new life i'm looking forward to. gary is getting out of the service in a few months, and we're both in search of new careers. uncertainty lies ahead, but as it is always the case with me and gary, we always pull through :)

airports, flights and jetlag

i'm finally back here in the states after seven months of stay in the philippines. i arrived here at gary's parents' home in santa clara late last night. his brother jeng and wife glenda picked me up with their little girl annber at the san francisco airport. it was a long trip with a stop over in hong kong.

the hong kong international airport is insane. i had to ride a train and walk a mile to get to my gate. good thing it's easy to spot the pinoys, and like a herd, we just went wherever the others went. i got through immigration pretty quick and the luggage retrieval went pretty fast too. except for the enormous weight of the two luggages i brought, i was okay.

i am jet lagging sooooooooo bad. this didn't happen to me the first time i came here but now it hit me hard. i didn't sleep at all on the plane and last night i was up the whole time. needless to say, i've been nursing a major headache the whole day. plus my entire body's aching too...try carrying around bags that weigh close to 21 kilos each and you'll know what i mean. there are no friendly kuyas who will lift your stuff for you for a price of a pack of yosi. but i managed.

my mom, ate beng and the kids and my two titas dropped me off at NAIA. my brother met up with us at mall of asia. i have to hand it to him, and if he's reading this then all the better, he left his work for a few hours just to send me off. i miss my baby nephew chok. i took care of him everyday and he is just the most adorable baby everrrrrr. last night while i was in bed, the neighbor's baby cried and my instinct was to call out chok. except it's not chok. :(

on a lighter note, the husband's almost here too. we've been racing our way here. we left the same day, him out of iraq and me out of the philippines. gary called my mom to say he was in kuwait while i was waiting for boarding at NAIA. we haven't heard from each other since then, i assume he's been moving around, but i got a call from the fort bliss people this afternoon asking if i'm going to his homecoming, which is at 1:45pm tomorrow.

gary and i already talked about this extensively. i was insisting on going to el paso ahead so then i can just take a cab, stay in a hotel and meet him when his army plane lands at biggs airfield. the husband was insisting that i wait until he lands before i fly to el paso so then he doesn't have to worry about where i'm staying, how i'm carrying around my luggages and how i'm getting a taxi.

the hardheaded side of me was trying to make a way to get to el paso tonight but as luck would have it, the flight tonight gets there too late and costs too much, twice more than what i paid for flying tomorrow actually. so yeah, gary will have no welcoming party tomorrow, instead he's picking me up at the el paso airport at 4pm. this is pretty much what we agreed on the last time we talked, except that gary has no idea right now about my flight. i really hope he gets a chance to call as soon as he lands so then there's no mix up. i don't wanna stay at the airport, not sure if he knows i'm there or not. i have no cellphone yet because we gave up everything when gary got deployed and i left for the philippines in november so the only chance he'll be there is if he calls home and gets to talk to nanay or debra.

it still disappoints me that i can't be there at gary's homecoming. i always pictured waiting there as he lands, taking pictures, running towards each other. in slowmo. like in the movies. ewwww. LOL no i just wanted to witness how he lands and comes home. oh well. at least we get to see each other right away. i hope :P

the hangover

the countdown on my blog says it's been twenty days since the wedding, but gary and i spent another night chatting while looking at our wedding pictures. we just can't get over it! :P this week, the plan is to go to manila to pick up our raw photos, choose 150 shots for the albums, and leave our choice of songs for the wedding video. the albums and the edited video won't get to us until after three months (and i'll probably be back in the states by then) but what choice do we have, really.

i miss my husband. from the day he got to the philippines up to the day he left, we were always too busy. the only time we had that quiet moment for ourselves was when we passed by the subic boardwalk after going to our couturier. we didn't have a camera with us so we went back with my niece chay and nephew gelo, and gary's sister debra a few days after.

we also didn't have time for a honeymoon. gary left for iraq last march 26. so to make up for that, (and because a trip has always been planned after gary leaves the army this november) guess what we're planning!!! yay yay yay! we're going backpacking in europe! :D :D :D gary and i always wanted to travel, and we want to do everything together before we start a family and be busy with our jobs. gary deserves a break for working so hard in a warzone, and he's really excited about this trip. it's something to look forward to for us both, keep our minds off the frustration of being apart for months.

the next thing to think of is getting schengen visas. i already got one before when i went to germany and france but it expired already. gary being a US citizen doesn't need one, i read somewhere. or i don't really know. either way, i'm gonna have to go get one for myself because i still hold a philippine passport. but yeah. right now i'm looking through backpacking sites, where to go, what to do, where to stay (the cheaper the better syempre). i know i've been to paris already but i want gary to see it too, and i want to be there with him. sigh. okay, okay, too much daydreaming na. for now, i'm just gonna cross my fingers. hehe

just got (re)married! :D

after months of planning and waiting, our wedding finally arrived. it was a dream come true for me and gary. i have to say, if there's one experience every girl--or guy, for that matter--must have in their lifetime, it is to get married at church. not just for the glitz, but more importantly, for the blessing and that special bond. while it has always been undeniable that gary and i have been crazy for each other (too crazy at times), we look at each other now with even more love than ever before. our church wedding is something that no one can ever take away from us, and can i just say i was so so kilig all throughout! LOL :P

of course, as in any wedding, ang daming palpak. hehe the rings were accidentally left at the hotel (they made it on time, fortunately), the audio for the AVPs didn't play (don't ask why), some gifts were lost (again don't ask), some egos were bruised, but hey, try to imagine two clans, an entire office, and friends made in a span of a lifetime, all together in one place at the same time and tell me how we could possibly please everybody. in the end, it was really just me and gary that mattered.

who gets the best actress award? i was too giddy to keep track of the drama. but i must say it made me 10x more nervous when i saw gary so handsome, waiting for me at the altar, ready to cry in his military suit. the husband kept on whispering "you're so beautiful" to my ear throughout the ceremony, i almost melted. plus the heat. gosh, the heat inside the church made everyone melt. LOL

we decided to write our own vows, and gary made a really, really, romantic one. i pretty much messed up the first part of mine but the husband reassured me he got everything i wanted to say.

i now take the opportunity to thank all the people who made our wedding possible.

the magat/cativo and claravall/tungol families, for their presence and support. gary & i both wish we could've done more for all of you but we were both so busy with the preparations and the rush of the event. we are very grateful for your understanding and love.

fr.mario margallo, for making us feel the loveliness of our wedding so easily, and for the instant friendship he created with me and gary. many times during the ceremony, i saw him smiling whenever i was kilig, and i also saw him nodding at gary from time to time, as if to say he was just as happy for us.

my childhood friend rev./kuya noel nuguid for doing the sermon, assisting fr.mayong and leading the prayer at the reception. many years ago he promised he'll be the one to officiate my marriage, and as God so amazingly planned, he was ordained two days before my wedding.

the church secretary mel nuguid, and the children of mary immaculate for assisting me patiently.

our ninongs and ninangs who really went out of their way to attend our ceremony. it means so much to us.

our entourage, for the friendship, which, we have proven, can push you guys to wear suits on a hot summer day, and revealing tube dresses :P

team kiko for being a real family. mahal na mahal ko kayo.

georg and jayson for adding class to the programme.

my friends from kalayaan residence hall in UP. thank you for pausing your climb up the corporate ladder to see me walk down the aisle. i miss you all!

to wonderful events wedding coordination, for all the help.

to nice print photography for capturing our special day. i must say neither gary nor myself liked the posing part very much, but we're very excited to see the photos and videos nonetheless.

ms.virgie reyes and JS bridals for the gowns and suits. alvina for my make-up. mayo arellano for my entourage's make-up. my youngest flower girl annber asked me, "ina, are you a princess?" and thanks to the beautiful wedding gown and makeup on my wedding day, i really thought i was. :)

global ventures for my classy invites.

lilwhiskers for our cookies and cream giveaways.

crown royale's mark and lizel for all the assistance, attention, freebies, what-have-you.

kuya michael and ate jonalyn for the beautiful flower arrangements. i was expecting a plain aisle because the church didn't want flowers at church during the lent season, so i was pleasantly shocked to see the beauty of the st.peter parish church decked with flowers. galing ninyo, wala akong masabi!: D

st.peter parish choir and sandy and her band for the beautiful music in the church and at the reception. i always said maganda lang music sa kasal ko masaya na ako. thank you!

to those i failed to mention, we're sorry, and please remember that we're just as grateful for all your help.

as i mentioned, the official photos are not with us yet, but i stole some pictures online from friends. yes, i know, the fact that it was my wedding doesn't mean i own these pictures, pero pagbigyan nyo na ako. excited eh. hehe so thanks to yvette, tina, giselle, arlo, debra and all other unwitting people whose shots i stole. :P

if you wanna see a bigger slideshow, follow this link:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/42425843@N07/sets/72157623739456716/show/

the first thing i'll do with gary when he gets here...

besides that, is to watch dear john, a romantic drama based on the nicholas sparks novel about a soldier who falls in love with a college girl while he's on leave. the movie features channing tatum and amanda seyfried. it started showing last week here in the philippines...hope we can still catch it when gary comes home. happy valentine's day! :D

i start writing a blog entry title first, usually knowing what i wanna say and the stories i wanna tell. but as i type this, soooo many things are going through my mind i can't even come up with a title. i'll just put down anything and everything.
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i hate it when brides say they're busy and stressed out. i really do. it gives me the perception of self-importance, complaining about seemingly frivolous matters that they should be keeping to themselves. but now that i'm in their place, i can't stop myself from declaring how busy and utterly stressed out i am. can't sleep, can't eat (okay, that's a lie. LOL) can't sleep, can't sleep. the funny thing is, the hubby's going through the same thing. :D

me: why do you sound so tired?
him: i didn't sleep enough.
me: how can you not sleep enough, we ended talking at 2am, you only woke up now, it's lunchtime.
him: well it's like i didn't sleep at all. i'm in bed, my eyes are shut, but my mind's awake, thinking about the wedding and going home.

cute no? :D
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my little chokchok is sick. he has mild fever and a really bad cough. since i came home, i've been so attached to my 8 month-old nephew. he's super fat...10.8 kilos at 8 months, and really funny-smart. he copies what he sees, and he makes these weird sounds. :D it breaks my heart to see him sad and quiet and sick :(



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important times like these when i miss my dad. the wedding coordinator asked me what song i want for the father-daughter dance...i simply had to say there won't be one.

i must admit i should remember my dad more than i do. i'm a daddy's girl and after his sudden death, i always thought it's impossible to live without him. the heart really does have a way of moving on. i think i'll go visit his grave this weekend.

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the entourage and the guestlist are getting out of hand...and i'm entirely to blame for it. gary's side's presence in this wedding is like not even 5% but the husband is just charming about it. he gives me a freehand on this and that makes everything a bit easier.

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i have a good team for the wedding. i know i did all the work at the start but i can see that the remaining weeks will be easier for me thanks to my coordinator, and the people at crown royale are just so cooperative and accomodating i'm really feeling good about my choice.

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this wedding will be so surreal. it'll be like a montage of my life. gradeschool friends. high school friends. college buddies. team kiko. friends from various points of my existence. gary's relatives. my relatives. all in one place at the same time. how weird is that???

guess who's back?

so i'm writing this entry at the ungodly hour of 3 am. third day back in the Philippines and I'm still nursing a jetlag. i would like to blame it all on this, but really, it's not just jetlag that's making me feel lost despite being home.

being away from gary makes me realize i neither belong here in bataan nor in santa clara with his family. i belong to him, wherever he is; which, i think it is now safe to say, is in iraq--he already left the states for his deployment yesterday. okay, so i'm speaking figuratively, but i literally feel like a piece of me is missing.

i really have to hand it to him. he does EVERYTHING to keep in touch with me. the boy was on the phone with me every step of the way, i felt like i was on a C130 heading to the middle east. even during refueling in minnesota, he managed to get hold of me to remind me he's always coming back for me no matter what.

i remember what he told me before we left santa clara. he said when he went back to el paso and i was left at his parents', he'd wake up in the morning and his instinct was to reach for me. "i feel like i'm about to lose my mind when i'm not with you." this is pretty much what i'm feeling right now. i enjoy being home, but i can't feel completely at peace with gary away. i'm still waiting to hear from him, which i hope is sooner than later. we have no idea how it's gonna be for us while he's stationed there but i'm confident he'll do everything in his power to touch base.

how was my trip back? unbearable, like i expected it to be. i cannot stress enough how much i dislike airports, and i always have airport stories to tell. for this outing, it was simply an episode from twilight zone. to begin with, all my luggages were overweight. i had a balikbayan box packed by gary, which exceeded the limit by 10 pounds. his brother's balikbayan box (which i was to bring to their other brother here) was a good 6 pounds overweight too. my carry-on luggage was 30lbs, when only 15 lbs was allowed. to top it all, i was hauling a 14.1" toshiba laptop that probably weighed more than i do on my backpack. in the middle of opening balikbayan boxes and weighing my stuff again, i just wanted to leave everything behind. the stress was just too much for a few freaking cans of spam and corned beef!

to make matters worse, the lady at cathay pacific was a total pain in the ass. she was at my throat, telling me she's about to close the counter and i might have to miss my flight. i wanted to give my 'is this the kind of customer service (fill in the company name) has?' speech, but this whole balikbayan business was too tiring i just decided to shut up. i was, of course, last to board.

the only nice thing about this trip was how surprisingly tasty food on cathay pacific was. definitely better than PAL or KLM. while i always thought plane food was bland, the meals for my flights were all really good.

i did not sleep a wink on neither my flight from san francisco to hong kong nor my flight from hong kong to manila. while waiting for my connecting flight at the hong kong international airport, i sat for three hours with filipinos going home from all points of the earth. it was so weird, almost like a ritual, to hear all these people ready to share their biography with complete kababayan strangers. 'i'm coming from vacouver...been there for X years, working as...' or 'i haven't seen the philippines for X years because my kids and i don't get along..' or 'filipino workers are trusted better here in hong kong...so i told my mother not to worry about me' they must've thought i was a total smuck for not wanting to share my lifestory. and as if this display of national bonding weren't enough, at one of the corners of gate 30 gathered some 14 (i counted!) filipino guys watching the replay of the manny pacquiao fight on youtube passionately. it was quite a sight...and i'm filipino!

past the really long trip, the immigration, the luggage retrieval, and all the other inconveniences, i'm happy to be home. i got to see my new nephew jepoy who is just soooo adorable. i got to eat siomai and tinapa. later my brother's coming home from manila and we'll probably be on the magic sing microphone the whole day. if only gary were here then everything would be perfect.

Lucky

woke up this morning to his call. he just came out of a 24-hour duty on, ironically, Labor Day...i competely understood why he sounded so down and tired. then he just poured his heart out, and we were both reminded why this is worth all the waiting, the worrying and the crying.

Lucky
by Jason Mraz and Colbie Calliat

Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying

Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair

though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

My Happy Ending

I fidgeted in my seat as I sipped into my cup of cappuccino. I'm not a coffee drinker, but what the heck. If coffee really triggered the nerves, I wouldn't have known the difference. My anxiety was slaughtering my cool so bad.

My eyes scanned the coffee shop. Thank god for Mocha Blends on a Sunday night. I honestly didn't know how things could turn out, and with only a few tables filled and no one familiar in sight, I should be safe from embarrassment regardless of how this meeting would end.

I checked my e-mail from my phone to kill some time, and a few minutes later, I spotted him outside the coffee shop. I squinted to see him dial a number on his phone. Right on cue, my phone rang as he caught a glimpse of me from where I was sitting. He walked into Mocha Blends as I tried to remember what I was there for.

I just need to know what happened, so I can forgive and forget.

Then that familiar stride. That familiar look. That familiar, timid face. Almost five months of not seeing each other, of hurt and confusion, and there he was right in front of me.

My question on my way to Mocha Blends: will it end up being a slap or a hug when I first see him? Either of the two scared me. When he entered, it was obvious he was calculating his move himself. After I looked at him for a moment, I motioned a quick hug, but he swept me in his arms into the tightest,longest embrace. He was trembling.

His back was on everybody else, so I had the honor of seeing the surprised expression on every customer's face. Public display of affection irks the Filipino psyche no end.

"I missed you," he whispered.

The sudden surge of emotion was replaced by awkwardness as we seated ourselves.

"So," he said.

"So," I answered back.

"How have you been?" he asked.

Now I've played this scene on my mind over and over before and I had a ready answer for his question. But he was faster.

"No forget that. I know I've caused you enough trouble, and I'm here to apologize for everything that happened," he said.

And as if to mock us, our song suddenly played on the background. I pretended to ignore the unexpected score, but recognition registered on his face as he continued.

"I know I said I wanted another chance over the phone, but thinking about the hurt I caused you, I don't know if I even deserve to ask that from you," he said.

I tried to lose the melody playing and his image in a brown shirt--my favorite color--and remembered the struggle to be okay on my own for five whole months. I remembered working so late everyday so I'd be too tired to think when I get home. I recalled making answers for myself to lessen the confusion. And I reminded myself just how plain painful it was to smile when I felt like crying each time.

"What happened?" I asked squarely.

As if to add up to the events unfolding, I spotted a van pulling over the parking lot. It was a very familiar van. Soon enough, my suspicion was justified: My officemates, four or five of them, got off the car. Now these people were the ones who suggested the venue for this meeting, and seeing them line up like little spies pretending they didn’t know me…I just couldn’t believe how slow I was.

I shook my head to shake off the silly image outside my window. Good thing his back’s on them. He didn’t seem to realize my little distraction.

“I tried to come home like I promised, but I wanted to surprise you that’s why I said I wasn’t. I booked for two airlines, whichever opens up. But then we started fighting, and you stopped taking my calls. I just got fed up, and I was letting things settle first. I thought it was just another one of our fights, but that we’d still get back together. But the days just turned to months. I did try to call you but you didn’t pick up. So I tried to move on, because I was mad too for us breaking up for no reason. But I can’t move on without you,” he said.

We looked at each other for a very long time, and I suddenly forgot all the hurt and all the doubts I harbored since we separated. I was thinking, whatever happens I was ready to start fresh and contented. I had no bad feelings anymore, and I felt lighter than I ever did in the recent past.

Nobody wanted to move. Clearly, everything has been said already, but neither wanted to start goodbye.

“No. Wait. Listen,” he said like he always did before. “Could we start over? Could you give me another chance? For the last time.”

Now I was trembling.

“If I don’t get back together with you, it’s gonna hurt. But if I do get back together with you, it’s gonna hurt too,” I said, more to myself than to him. And at this point, I just lost control already, I started to cry.

Then out of the blue, and I vividly remember how fast it happened, he reached for my side of the table to grasp my hand. He held it achingly that the strong feeling—of hurt? Yearning? Love?—was transported from him to me and back.

“I’m not even gonna promise you anything. But the past five months, I did nothing but think of what I could’ve done to make things right. And I know now, and it’s gonna be different, if only you’ll give me that chance,” he said looking at me straight in the eye.

So that’s my happy ending. But as they say, endings are beginnings too, and we really are starting another hard road. Being apart is not my concept of happily ever after, but as we always tell each other: “It’s part of the package.” I’m just grateful I’m taking this chance with the only guy who has ever captured my heart. :)

it's a conspiracy!

ina and how, on the way to the senate lounge to meet ditas, get into the elevator. senate president manny villar gets in with his entourage.

a group of female senate employees on the right corner of the lift: happy valentine's day sir!

sp villar: happy valentine's day rin.

(suddenly turns to his left, looks straight into ina's eyes for a long time)

sp villar: happy nga ba talaga ang valentine's?
(howie snickers behind ina. ina gives him a kick on the foot)

ina: no other way to explain it...it's a conspiracy!