ranting...

my life right now feels like the front seat of a roller coaster at its peak, waiting to dive. literally everything in my life is on hold, and it mocks the i'll-put-things-in-my-hand, get-it-over-with sensibility i have.

i just had my biometrics with immigration today. gary and i have been in the process of first, petitioning, and now adjusting my status, for close to six months. besides a possible interview, all we can do now is wait until the dep't. of homeland security decides on my papers.

it's killing me. not that we expect a major problem or anything to happen, it's just the approval of my permanent residence case affects--if not dictates--what THE PLAN would be.

i cannot leave the states unless i have an advance authorization to travel from immigration, which of course, is part of the papers. can i go home to the philippines when gary gets deployed? will the papers make it on time? or do i live with his family again while he's gone? gary's giving me the choice on this one, but even this is out of my hands. i wait. and i hate waiting.

and man, he's leaving for a year. that's 365.242199 days. we don't even know what kind of communication he'll have in iraq. i hate not hearing from him even now that we live together. it's gonna be like gary and ina circa bootcamp 2006 again. waiting for his call for weeks only to miss it when he suddenly gets the chance to phone at three in the morning. and this, of course, is something i can do nothing about--but wait. and i hate waiting.

our lease is also up, and we're moving to a new apartment. it's really nice, and it was actually my choice out of all the places we gathered through research. moving out was another thing i was stressing about, but my fix-it guy surpised me and not only got the apartment i liked but also ironed out everything that all i have to do is get all our stuff and settle in.

i should be happy about this move. but now i have to notify just about everyone--the electric company, the post office, immigration, about this change of address. and i can't do the last two until we actually move out on the 24th to avoid mixing up my mail. so i wait again. and did i tell you i hate waiting?

so yes i'm stressed out about my life. patience is not a personal virtue. but then again, all this could just be pms.